This week I have had to ask myself what am I to learn from all this stuff. Stuff that I want to call crap. It has made me stop and think. Why? What next? Didn't we go thru this before. So why again?
Bud was having some problems which sent us to the urologist. They told us that he needed to have a small surgery to correct the problem. Okay, it didn't seem like a big thing, get it set up. They set it for the 24th, but stated that he would need to do a cat scan first. Which he had done on Tuesday of last week.
Thursday I was sitting here, enjoying my afternoon when he came back from a run that he had on the dealer trade. He came in, I did not notice anything being wrong.. He sat down, then burst into tears. Now anybody that knows Bud know he doesn't normally cry. He had a call from the doctors office, they would not do the surgery at this time, his aneurism was a 4.8. Now we knew he had one at the y of the kidney. So we assumed that is what they were talking about. This was among a list of things that they saw on the new cat scan.
That day he also got a call from our family doctor, he wanted him to come in to discuss it. Now just a couple weeks ago the doctor had told him we would check it out again the first of the year.
So yesterday, off to the doctors offices go......
Not. One. Aneurism. But TWO. The one we knew about shows it is a 3.8. The smaller of the two. The one we didn't know about is a 4.8. It is in the aorta just inches from the heart and is big. Needs a heart surgeon to do open heart surgery to fix?
The blood doctor is meeting with us first thing in the morning. This doctor is on top of thing. He has been monitoring the cumadine levels. I hope he has a few more answers for us. Was this there in the December cat scan? If not then it has been growing very rapidly! Does he think this is why he has been getting blood clots? Will he be able to get us in to the heart doctor quicker then next week?
So with it being this close to the heart, it has pressure on it every time the heart pumps. So basically he is a walking time bomb.
He has always said he doesn't want to die from a aneurism if he can help it. Yet he told me he doesn't know if he can go thru another surgery. The Coleman's have lost a number of members from their family with ruptured aneurism in the past. (including his own father)
So, I have been numb! I know God will see us through, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I know that my church family, friends and family are there for us and will continue to pray for us, and that is what I am clinging to. I try and keep myself busy so that I don't sit and dwell on the what ifs.
So, I ask myself. What am I supposed to learn from all this? May my trust and faith in God be renewed and strengthened as he Carrys me thru these next days.
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Location:What are We to learn from this?
